The Five “B’s” That Improve Post-Game Conversations

The intensity and emotion of a close competition can easily carry over into post-game discussions. It is often difficult for coaches to stop trying to manage the game after it is over. However, post-game conversations are not a part of the game. After all, nothing that is said after a game can affect its outcome. Conversations after a game have much more impact on the next practice or the next game. With that in mind, here are five suggestions for coaches for post-game conversations with players and parents:

1. Be patient - There will be plenty of time to address mistakes. Make a list of mistakes made during the game and then set it aside for review before planning the next practice or game.


2. Be positive - Allow the players to celebrate their good plays so that they continue to build their inner desire to improve.


3. Be communicative - Don’t shy away from players or parents after a loss any more than after a win. Changing parental interactions based on the outcome will leave parents assuming the worst about their child or the team.


4. Be objective - Before looking to player mistakes, first look to see if there were other things that could have been done better in preparation or motivation.


5. Be candid - If you made a mistake during the game, don’t be afraid to admit it. If coaches are honest about their mistakes, players are more likely to be honest about theirs.

Parents and players take their cues from the coach. A compliment helps reassure parents of their child’s potential and keeps them from focusing too much on their own judgments. It can even help shape parental conversations in the car on the way home. Good post-game conversations can do more to bring a team together than any conversation before a game.

Editor’s Note: A special thanks to Sports Esteem for this article.

6 Ways Coaches Can Improve Team Performance

Youth coaches sometimes joke that the ideal youth team is a one full of orphans. Though this approach is one solution to problem parents, there are other practical ways for coaches to work with parents.



One of the best is regular communication between coaches and parents. Everything a coach does with the team is in parental view. In the absence of coaching guidance, parents form and communicate their own opinions regarding the status of the team and the steps necessary for improvement. Some parents may be objective and knowledgeable about the sport, but if they don’t speak up, then the overall team opinion may be shaped by others.

For coaches, parent-to-parent and parent-to-player communications can distract their efforts to make team improvements. Coaches should consider regular short meetings with all parents to help shape positive opinions and give parents better insight into what to watch for in games and practices.

In a recent survey of coaches and parents, over 60% thought that coaches should at least meet occasionally with parents after a game. In these meetings, here are six topics coaches might cover:

1. Recent team performance giving parents insight into the progress the team is or is not making in various areas.


2. Approaches taken in practices that are attempting to shape game performance.


3. Re-emphasis of team goals and objectives.


4. Realistic guidance concerning upcoming game and practice performance.


5. Positive comments concerning every player (Mentioning only a few players may raise more parent concerns).


6. Reminding parents to praise their player’s efforts and encourage their kids to have fun and develop a love for the game.

The overall test of a youth coach is whether his players have fun, learn new skills and want to play again next season. Yet, in the emotions of a game or issue, these ideas can get lost or seem secondary. Coaches need to have the courage and conviction to keep parents working toward these goals. This requires regular and consistent communication.

The temptation to avoid parental contact only amplifies problems over time, allowing small problems to become large as the season moves on. Parents help judge the success of coaches, teams and seasons. In the absence of information, their judgments will vary greatly based on their own experiences and knowledge.

With information, parents gain better appreciation for the challenges coaches face and continue to learn how they can best support their child’s efforts.

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Sports Esteem for this article.

The Importance of Long Term Planning

The most common problem facing trainers and coaches today regarding developing young athletes over time is the ability to plan long-term. The personal training profession is typically based on a session-to-session consideration - clients pay per session and trainers create training programs one session at a time. The same is true in coaching sports - most coaches script out one practice plan at a time, rather than create a relative flow for an entire month or even season. The following article by Brian Grasso discusses the importance of planning for the long term.

Limited Plan… Limited Gain - The problem with this industry standard as it relates to youth and adolescent sports is it limits the potential gains made by a young athlete. It is not unlike running a business or corporation - when business owners take the time to organize their objectives and action steps for a given month or year, they almost always are successful at implementing the plan. Far too many business owners, trainers and coaches feel as though their actions during a sales drive, training session or practice will lead to positive change, when in fact it is the planning that occurs before these actions that accounts for the true gains

Become and Objective Monster - No one can learn how to create 6 or 12 month plans in a day. It takes time and diligent effort to acquire this skill, but your ability to get better over time will have a direct and positive impact on both your young athletes’ success rate as well as your businesses ability to attract new clients. Set an objective for yourself to create a system or plan that allows you to develop long-term and wide-focused agendas for your young athletes. Take several days or weeks if needed to create a system that is streamlined and easy to implement - although you are looking for a comprehensive system, the more basic you make it, the easier it will be to adhere to.



Action Steps - Start simple by taking a piece of paper to write out where you want your young athletes to be in four weeks. Create headings and then fill in each category. For instance, what skill sets are you working on now? To what degree of competency do you want an athlete or team to be able to demonstrate this skill set in one month’s time?



Create Critical Path - Once you have organized your thoughts regarding where you would like to be in four weeks, you must consider how you are going to get there. On the same or a different piece of paper, write out how many training sessions or practices you have with this athlete or team between now and the target date.  Date each training session or practice on your piece of paper and then use your skills as a trainer or coach, fill in the blanks. Compare where you want to be in four weeks with the number of training sessions or practices you have remaining. In order to accomplish your 4-week goal, what action steps along a critical path must be taken? This is the essence of how to develop a long-term approach to working with young athletes.



The End Result You Need - An amazing thing happens when you create objectives and critical plans. You start seeing results in your athletes and teams beyond what you ever-dreamed possible. Failing to plan is one of the biggest concerns facing this industry. It seems everything is taken on a session-by-session basis with no vision or thought to the long-term. It could be argued that individual trainers and coaches didn’t know how to plan for the future…well, now you do! Practice the skill of objective writing and critical path creation. It will take time to design a system that flows well for you, but it is more than worth it to your young athletes and teams.

Editors Note: Thank you to Brian Grasso of Developing Athletics for this article.

How to Improve Your Coaching by Listening

The Greek philosopher Diogenes once said, “We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.”  While this is an excellent piece of advice, it is not always easy to follow.  The following article provides advice on how to be a better listener and ultimately a better coach.

Assessments of thousands of leaders in all kinds of settings indicate that many fall short on listening.   Listening is a critical skill in any leadership setting for two reasons.  First, listening allows the leader to collect intelligence which can help the organization or team succeed. Second, listening allows the leader to create trusting relationships with followers.

Intelligence and trust win in any team setting, including sports.  When we are really able to listen - to athletes, to coaches, to parents - we can gain intelligence, which can help us be more effective as strategists and as motivators.  At the same time, active listening is one of the most powerful things we can do to build trust with our athletes.  And we all know that when the contest is on the line, intelligence and trust win.

Are You Listening to Win?

So how can you tell if you are a good listener with your athletes?  Score yourself on each of these four statements about yourself. 1=Never, 2=Rarely, 3=Sometimes, 4=Usually, 5=Almost always

1. I try to understand what my athletes think before making judgments.


2. I authentically encourage my athletes to share their views about the team.


3. I am good at imagining my athletes’ point of view.


4. I am able to accept constructive criticism and make necessary changes in my coaching behavior.

If you scored all fours and fives, congratulations, you are a better listener than most of the leaders out there.  If you had some 1s, 2s, or 3s, join the club - you are like the rest of us!

Seven Steps to Winning Listening

The good news is, listening is a skill that can be learned.  Here are seven steps we can all practice to become better listeners with our athletes.

• Be in the moment - If you don’t have the time or energy to listen in the moment, set a time when you can give your athlete undivided attention.


• Set the tone - Show your athlete that you are open to hearing by using relaxed words and body language.


• Pay attention - Make a mental decision to listen carefully.  Show your interest with eye contact and relaxed body language.


• Withhold judgment - Try to be open to new ideas and constructive criticism.  If you feel yourself getting perplexed, take a breath and suspend judgment until after hearing them through.  Even when good listeners have strong views, they suspend judgment, hold their criticism and avoid arguing or selling their point right away.


• Reflect & clarify - Paraphrase what you heard the athlete say, and ask clarifying questions to make sure you really understand.


• Share - As you gain a clear understanding of what the athlete is saying, begin to introduce your thoughts and feelings on the matter.  If possible, talk about a time when you or someone you know was in a similar situation.


• Problem solve - Use your judgment to decide how best to go about solving the issue presented by the athlete.  The best approach will depend on the nature of the athlete and the overall situation.

In Summary

There is no doubt that in dynamic, high stress settings like athletic coaching, it is easy to ’stress out and tune out.’   But the reality is our athletes often need to be heard in order to be their best.  We cannot help them be their best if we do not understand what they need.  In coaching as in every other leadership setting, listening wins. The leaders who can do it well have a competitive advantage over those who cannot.

Editor’s Note: A special thank you to Elevating Athletes for this article.

Getting Players to Practice with Intensity

Most coaches have faced the challenge of getting athletes to practice with a purpose. Keeping young players engaged and excited about practice time is part skill and part art.  Here are seven great tips to maintain a player’s practice intensity on a consistent basis.



1. Look underneath - The first step in addressing lack of intensity is to ask ‘why?’  Are the athletes especially fatigued?  Burnt out?  Extremely nervous?  Ask a couple of team leaders what is going on.

2. Teach your athletes what practice intensity means - Many athletes, especially younger ones, think they are practicing hard without realizing they are only going half speed.  Tell your athletes your definition of intensity.  Then ask them to remember a practice in which they went as hard as they could and did a great job from beginning to end.  Tell them that is their ‘bar’ for practice intensity.  Their job is to try to get close to that bar every day.

3. Have your athlete’s rate and be responsible for their own intensity - Once your athletes have defined their own ‘personal best’ practice intensity, have them assign that level of intensity a ‘10′ on a scale of 1 to 10.  Then, tell your athletes you expect them to always practice at a level of 8 or above on their personal intensity scale.  When practice begins to drag, stop the action, let them catch their breath, and ask them to rate themselves on their personal scale.  Remind them you need them to practice at level eight or above.  Then get started again.

4. Set daily goals as performance targets - Goals keep our athletes focused and give them a sense of achievement.  Set daily goals for each practice session in terms of effort (e.g. we want to go hard and stay focused), and in terms of accomplishment (e.g. we want to learn the 2-3 zone).  Periodically remind them of their progress on each goal.

5. Use firm time periods - Break up practice into a series of fixed time periods (e.g. individual drill ten minutes, small group drill 20 minutes, scrimmage 20 minutes, etc).  Ask your athletes to go hard for each entire period, one period at a time.  And be sure to stick to your timetable.  Your athletes will show more energy and confidence in trying to achieve intensity for these shorter periods of time.

6. Use simulations and games - Where appropriate, use simulations and games to make your coaching points.  For example, use the clock, call out game situations, and keep score to create a game-like environment for your drills.  Athletes usually respond more enthusiastically to these kinds of activities as opposed to less interesting repetitive tasks.

7. Keep an ‘intensity score’ - Use a portable white board or other prop to periodically score your athletes on their intensity.  For example, you could score them on a scale of 1 to 10, where 8 to 10 is high intensity 5 to 7 is moderate intensity, and 1 to 4 is low intensity.  Keep the scoreboard visible so they can look over and see how they are doing.  If they begin to drop their intensity score, challenge them to get their score back up to the 8 to 10 range - and let them know when they do!

Editor’s Note: Thank you to Elevating Athletes for this article.

How Coaches Can Help Athletes Take the Lead

Creating players with drive and motivation is not an easy job.  There are many things that coaches can do to encourage a youth athlete to become self directed, however, a lot of this determination comes from within the athlete.  Here are five characteristics of a self-directed athlete and tips to bringing them out in your players.

Have you ever wondered why some athletes never quite seem to fulfill their potential?  The answer is often a lack of self direction. Self direction is the ability to lead ourselves toward a goal.  It is a critical life skill which we can and should teach through sports.  Athletes who have self direction are able to get the most out of their talent.  Athletes who lack self direction never quite fulfill their promise.

Coaches and parents can teach self direction through sports if the athlete is willing to learn.  A good first step is to explicitly coach the winning practices of self directed athletes.  Here are five to start with.

1. Motivation. Self-directed athletes bring their own motivation to the team.  They don’t wait for a coach or someone else to pump them up.  Teach your athletes that self motivation is essential if they want to succeed in athletics and beyond.  Challenge your athletes to motivate themselves by thinking about what they want to accomplish before every workout, practice, and competition.

2. Initiative. Self-directed athletes take the initiative to improve without being told.  Even some highly motivated athletes have trouble taking initiative on their own.  They are so used to being told what to do, they seem to forget that they have the power to workout, seek coaching, read books, watch instructional videos, etc. all by themselves.  Teach your athletes that self initiative is essential for getting the absolute most out of their talent.  Challenge your athletes to show self initiative by taking steps to improve without being told.  Be sure to give them positive reinforcement when they do.

3. Focus. Self directed athletes have the ability to set goals and stick with them.  This focus on goals keeps them motivated and moving forward.  Being goal driven can also keep athletes out of trouble because they are less likely to be derailed by negative distractions.  Teach your athletes that focusing on goals can help them succeed in athletics and beyond.  Challenge them to set very specific short- and long-term goals.  Follow up periodically to ask them how they are doing - and always reinforce their goal-setting behaviors.

4. Discipline. Self directed athletes have the discipline to set priorities and manage time - especially for academics.  There are many athletes with self motivation, self initiative, and focus who end up falling short because they lack the discipline to follow through consistently.  Teach your athletes that self discipline is a powerful sign of personal strength and maturity.  Challenge them to set priorities and manage their time on a weekly and daily basis.  Support and advise them, but try not to do it for them.  Even if they occasionally fall short, the experience of practicing discipline will help them tremendously.

5. Learning. Self directed athletes bring a learning mentality every day.  They seek and accept coaching.  They take what they learned yesterday, and apply it to what they are doing today.  A learning mentality is one of the most important qualities our young athletes are going to need as they enter the complex world of work and adult responsibility.  Constantly challenge your athletes to be learners in their sport and every other area of their life.

Editor’s Note: A special thanks to PositiveSports.net for this article.

Are You Correctly Disciplining Your Players?

Taking on the role of a coach is very similar to that of a parent. Responsibilities as a mentor and guide extend far beyond drills and scrimmages. Sometimes a coach is required to undertake the role of a disciplinarian. Just like in parenting, discipline is needed to teach players valuable lessons. Here are ten tips to incorporate positive punishments into practice time.

1. Punish only those who are able but unwilling to perform. Punishing an athlete for not doing something they are unable to do will only erode their confidence and hinder their development. Before imposing punishment, ask yourself: 1) Does the athlete have the ability to do what you are asking? and 2) Is the athlete giving their best effort? If the athlete lacks ability, and if the athlete is doing his or her best, the solution is more practice and instruction rather than punishment.

2. Control your temper and hold no grudges. Don’t let personal feelings interfere. Whether you like someone has nothing to do with good order and discipline.

3. Listen. With an open mind and without prejudging, listen to the athlete’s side of the story.

4. Make sure the athlete understands the reason for the punishment.Punishment is not productive unless the athlete learns something. Silent punishment is unproductive punishment.

5. Avoid threatening an athlete with punishment. Making threats puts you in the position of having to deliver on that threat. In such a situation you may end up punishing because you said you would rather than because the behavior merits punishment. This undermines your standing as a leader.

6. Avoid mass punishment. Correctly identify the problem, determine if an individual or individuals are responsible, and use an appropriate form of correction.

7. Focus on behavior. Let the athlete know that it’s the behavior - not the individual - that is the problem. “You let the team down” works; “You’re a loser” sends the wrong message.

8. Let them know you believe in them. Since people tend to live up to their leader’s expectations, tell them, “I know you can do better than that. I expect you to do better than that.”

9. Avoid humiliation. Never humiliate an athlete.

10. Be judicious. Make sure punishment isn’t excessive or unreasonable. It’s not only the severity of the punishment that keeps athletes in line, it’s also the certainty that they can’t get away with the undesirable behavior.

Editor’s Note: A special thanks to PositiveSports.net for these tips.

Helping Athletes Handle Pressure and Competition

Having an open mind and being aware of what your athlete is saying (both vocally and through body language) can help in the handling of the pressure that comes with playing youth sports.

Most people play a sport for the thrill of having fun with others who share the same interest, right? But it’s not always fun and games. Most student athletes who play competitive sports have had thoughts that go like this at one time or another: “Man, I can’t believe I let the ball in the goal, and I know from the look in coach’s eyes he wasn’t happy.”

There can be a ton of pressure in high school sports. A lot of the time it comes from the feeling that a parent or coach expects you to always win. But sometimes it comes from inside, too: some players are just really hard on themselves. And individual situations can add to the stress: maybe there’s a recruiter from your number one college scouting you on the sidelines. Whatever the cause, the pressure to win can sometimes stress you to the point where you just don’t know how to have fun anymore. Perhaps it could even be the reason why you haven’t been playing as well lately.

How Can Stress Affect Sports Performance?

Stress is a feeling that’s created when we react to particular events. It’s the body’s way of rising to a challenge and preparing to meet a tough situation with focus, strength, stamina, and heightened alertness. A little stress or the right kind of positive stress can help keep you on your toes, ready to rise to a challenge.

The events that provoke stress are called stressors, and they cover a whole range of situations - everything from outright danger to stepping up to take the foul shot that could win the game. Stress can also be a response to change or anticipation of something that’s about to happen - good or bad. People can feel stress over positive challenges, like making the varsity team, as well as negative ones.

Distress is a bad type of stress that arises when you must adapt to too many negative demands. Suppose you had a fight with a close friend last night, you forgot your homework this morning, and you’re playing in a tennis match this afternoon. You try to get psyched for the game but can’t. You’ve hit stress overload! Continuous struggling with too much stress can exhaust your energy and drive.

Eustress is the good type of stress that stems from the challenge of taking part in something that you enjoy but have to work hard for. Eustress pumps you up, providing a healthy spark for any task you undertake.

What Can I Do to Ease Pressure?

When the demands of competition start to get to you, try these relaxation techniques:

• Deep breathing: Find a quiet place to sit down. Inhale slowly through your nose, drawing air deep into your lungs. Hold your breath for about 5 seconds, then release it slowly. Repeat the exercise five times.


• Muscle relaxation: Contract (flex) a group of muscles tightly. Keep them tensed for about 5 seconds, then release. Repeat the exercise five times, selecting different muscle groups.


• Visualization:Close your eyes and picture a peaceful place or an event from your past. Recall the beautiful sights and the happy sounds. Imagine stress flowing away from your body. You can also visualize success. People who advise competitive players often recommend that they imagine themselves completing a pass, making a shot, or scoring a goal over and over. Then on game day, you can recall your stored images to help calm nerves and boost self-confidence.


• Mindfulness: Watch out for negative thoughts. Whether you’re preparing for a competition or coping with a defeat, repeat to yourself: “I learn from my mistakes!” “I’m in control of my feelings!” “I can make this goal!”

When sports become too stressful, get away from the pressure. Go to a movie or hang out with friends. Put your mind on something completely different.

How Can I Keep Stress in Check?

If sports make you so nervous that you get headaches, become nauseated, or can’t concentrate on other things, you’re experiencing symptoms of unhealthy, potentially chronic (which means long-lasting and continuous) stress. Don’t keep such stress bottled up inside you; suppressing your emotions might mean bigger health troubles for you later on.

Talk about your concerns with a friend. Simply sharing your feelings can ease your anxiety. Sometimes it may help to get an adult’s perspective - someone who has dealt with stress over and over, like your coach or fitness instructor. Here are some other things you can do to cope with stress:

• Treat your body right. Eat well and get a good night’s sleep, especially before games where the pressure’s on.


• Learn and practice relaxation techniques, like those described in the previous section.


• Get some type of physical activity other than the sport you’re involved in. Take a walk, ride your bike, and get completely away from the sport that’s stressing you out.


• Don’t try to be perfect - everyone flubs a shot or messes up from time to time (so don’t expect your teammates to be perfect either!). Forgive yourself, remind yourself of all your great shots, and move on.

It’s possible that some anxiety stems only from uncertainty. Meet privately with your coach or instructor. Ask for clarification if his or her expectations seem vague or inconsistent. Although most instructors do a good job of fostering athletes’ physical and mental development, you may need to be the one who opens the lines of communication. You may also want to talk with your parents or another adult family member.

If you’re feeling completely over-scheduled and out of control, review your options on what you can let go. It’s a last resort, but if you’re no longer enjoying your sport, it may be time to find one that’s less stressful. Chronic stress isn’t fun - and fun is what sports are all about.

Recognizing when you need guidance to steer yourself out of a stressful situation doesn’t represent weakness; it’s a sign of courage and wisdom. Don’t stop looking for support until you’ve found it.

Enjoy the Game

Winning is exhilarating! But losing and some amount of stress are part of almost any sports program - as they are in life. Sports are about enhancing self-esteem, building social skills, and developing a sense of community. And above all, sports are about having fun.

Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Kids Health for the above article.

What Makes You A Good Coach?

What should a coach care about most: winning, teaching, or giving everyone a chance to play? KidsHealth.org asked their readers this question, and hundreds replied. The results are instructive.

What They Value

Survey respondents said they respond best to:

• Coaches who understand and motivate their players


• Coaches who are tough but fair


• Coaches who teach life skills along with sports skills


• Coaches who make it a team effort


• Coaches who try to make practice varied and fun.

Importantly, athletes are able to recognize that some parts of practice are necessary and not much fun. They just want the coach to do their best to keep things interesting whenever possible.

What Turns Them Off

Survey respondents said they are turned off by:

• Coaches who focus on only a few players


• Coaches who yell or put players down


• Coaches who can’t teach or don’t give it their all.

The full KidsHealth.org article has more detail and some insightful quotes from survey respondents.

Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Steve Horan of PositiveSports.net for use of the above article.

Q&A: Dealing with Parents and Equal Ice Time for Players

Pete asks: “As a coach, what is the best way to deal with the parent who thinks their child doesn’t get the same amount of ice time or shifts as everyone else? We even keep track of the number of shifts each player goes out. The only time they differ is when we have the Power Play or Penalty Kill to deal with. We have explained that to them as well.”

Answer: “This is a very sensitive issue.  First of all I would like to ask what age group and what level are the players participating? I believe that in order for players to develop, particularly at the younger age groups, that all players should get the opportunity to play equal time and in all situations. If we tell players at a young age that they can’t do something, they start to believe just that.

“As players get older and at higher levels of competition, I realize it becomes more critical to define their roles and reward them with ice time accordingly. I have made a commitment as players become more mature, that is primarily around the ages of 14 to 16 (Bantam/Midget), that I communicate with the players specifically and their concerns regarding ice time. If parents feel the necessity to address it with me, I kindly explain my decision-making process to them. Make sure to let the player know what he or she needs to work on specifically to participate in those situations! As you know, some parents have difficulty being objective regarding their son/daughter, and this will always affect their perception.  As a youth coach this will always be one of our greatest challenges.”

Editor’s Note: Special thanks to Jim Johnson, Co-Founder of flexxCoach.com, for answering this question. flexxCoach is dedicated to improving the youth sports experience by improving the quality of adult leadership. For more information about flexxCoach, please visit their website at http://www.flexxcoach.com/

If you have a question, we would love to help. Please e-mail us and we will do our best to answer your question.

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